Monday, April 8, 2013

help! are there such things as queer friendly parenting books?

arty has started walking in the last few weeks. he's a toddler. a toddler. this is almost entirely incomprehensible to me.
and it's not just the walking - his vocabulary is growing, his social skills are becoming more sophisticated, and he's generally becoming more of a child than  baby.

til now, parenting has essentially been about bonding with this kid, and keeping him alive. we've fed him, clothed him, changed him, bathed him, talked and sung to him, and it's all been comparatively straightforward.
but now that he's a toddler, parenting has taken on another level of complexity. we're finding ourselves in situations where we need to mould and guide behaviour. we want to teach him to respond to important instructions ("don't touch the oven!"), to share, to be gentle with animals, not to hit or pull hair, etc. and we want to do this in a way that's effective, respectful, firm, clear, and kind.

how the hell do we do that?
i don't know.
so i started reading.
and then i got mad.
because so far, all of these parenting books have sucked.

not because their techniques were bogus - for all i know they're perfectly effective - but the language they used, and the assumptions they made about the structure of modern families were alienating, and embarrassingly archaic.

i've barely made it through more than a chapter in any of the books i've picked up so far before putting them down again with the strong feeling that they were not written for my family. they don't even acknowledge our existence.

so i'm putting the call out.
have you read a great book about toddler-wrangling that didn't completely ignore the existence of queer, single parent, or otherwise non-nuclear families?
if you have, i want to read it!
i'll gladly report back on any that i come across. if they exist...

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