Friday, June 17, 2011

week 8: raspberry


this week the baby is the size of a raspberry. 
 and this week being pregnant has sucked. 

i've been experiencing very negative emotions to extreme degrees... it's been difficult to place where they're coming from, so i'm assuming they're either caused, or at least very much magnified, by hormones. i've been tearful, irritable, lethargic. i've been bored, but unable to settle to anything. i've completely lost all desire to sew or read. i've felt strangled and claustrophobic being home in the house, but when we've gone out i've been so quickly exhausted that i've not been able to enjoy that either.

i've also been having very vivid anxiety dreams. they've been quite violent and have felt very real. lots of being chased by gunmen, or drowning, or being chewed up by machinery, and so on. highly unpleasant.

on top of this i've been feeling vaguely nauseous most of the time - not enough to be vomiting, but enough to feel distinctly uncomfortable.

if this is pregnancy, the next 7 months are going to be long ones.

and i feel so guilty for feeling this way. i've wanted this for so long, and now that it's finally happened, all i can do is complain about it...

1 comment:

  1. I'm here for you always :)
    and remember at least you have a) a timeline and b) a reason...
    I know that things not being in your control are scary and anxious-making, but it's also a chance to give yourself permission to feel what you're feeling.

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