Thursday, June 23, 2011

week 9: green olive

this week the baby is the size of a green olive. it has muscles and can move about, though i can't feel it yet.

i'm yet to experience what i would call 'cravings' but there are a bunch of foods that i'm definitely can't get enough of, including:
  • pears (luckily they are really nice at the moment)
  • stroopwafels
  • meaty protein (especially bacon and steak)
i also took a slightly indecent amount of pleasure in eating cream cheese and diced up pickles on sourdough bread yesterday. and thinking about it is making me want more!

Friday, June 17, 2011

week 8: raspberry

this week the baby is the size of a raspberry. 
 and this week being pregnant has sucked. 

i've been experiencing very negative emotions to extreme degrees... it's been difficult to place where they're coming from, so i'm assuming they're either caused, or at least very much magnified, by hormones. i've been tearful, irritable, lethargic. i've been bored, but unable to settle to anything. i've completely lost all desire to sew or read. i've felt strangled and claustrophobic being home in the house, but when we've gone out i've been so quickly exhausted that i've not been able to enjoy that either.

i've also been having very vivid anxiety dreams. they've been quite violent and have felt very real. lots of being chased by gunmen, or drowning, or being chewed up by machinery, and so on. highly unpleasant.

on top of this i've been feeling vaguely nauseous most of the time - not enough to be vomiting, but enough to feel distinctly uncomfortable.

if this is pregnancy, the next 7 months are going to be long ones.

and i feel so guilty for feeling this way. i've wanted this for so long, and now that it's finally happened, all i can do is complain about it...

Sunday, June 12, 2011

how do you thank your donor?

i don't know how to thank our donor.

on the one hand he was willingly giving us something that he didn't have a use for. on the other, he helped us make a member of our family.

what kind of gift, or what combination of words constitute an appropriate recognition of that?

in the end we just went for something we knew he and his partner would enjoy (really good whiskey)...

and some flowers ("thanks for knocking us up - here's a vase of vaginas!")...

maybe they're both a bit cliche, but they seemed a good enough approximation of an answer to an impossible question.

Friday, June 10, 2011

week 7: blueberry

this week, the baby is the size of a blueberry. according to the pregnancy app i downloaded, it is now 10, 000 times as big as it was at conception. grow baby, grow!

i've had a cold/cough/lurgy all week so it's been difficult to tell which crankies, woozies, aches, and twinges have been pregnancy related, and which have been virus related. being sick while pregnant has made me a bit anxious, but i have been trying to tell myself that billions of women get colds when they're pregnant and it's not going to break the baby. the most annoying thing has been not being able to take anything stronger than panadol for the aches, and being denied cough medicine altogether. my body is very sore and tired from all the coughing i've been doing.

on a happier note, this poem/story has been in my head all week. it's beautiful, and makes me tear up a little every time i read or hear it:

Friday, June 3, 2011

week 6: pea

this week the baby is the size of a pea. i hope it is as snug in there as a wee pea in a pod.

we have chosen an obstetrician, and made an appointment for around week 10. there was a bit of a drama with one obstetrician refusing to take me on because of the type of health insurance we have, and i got very anxious about the possibility of not being able to choose the birth that i want, and get the care i want. it was upsetting because this all came up at around the close of business, so i spent a whole night feeling stressed about it (epic anxiety dreams!), but the next day i phoned my preferred obstetrician and she had no problems, so hooray!

i'm also booked in for early screening ultrasound and blood tests too. we don't know what we'll do if we find abnormalities, but we want all the information, so we're going ahead with screening.

so what's been going on this week?
  • nausea is becoming more of a thing. it's not appalling, but it's more persistent. certain smells are making me feel quite ill (food-court-style chinese food, men's deodorant, cigarette smoke, deep fried things...)
  • i've had some moments this week when i've had a tiny bit of blood on the paper when i've been to the bathroom. it's been quite distressing. when it first happened, i had a real appreciation for why you don't tell too may people about being pregnant early on. the thought of having to call people and tell them the pregnancy failed just made me ill. each time it's been a negligible amount of blood with no cramping or other bad signs, and after speaking with the obstetrician about it i'm mostly reassured that it's normal, and doesn't necessarily mean that the pregnancy is under threat. if it's still happening next week we're going to have an ultrasound and check that the baby is ok.
  • i am so, so, so tired. i just want to sleep all the time. i'm trying to keep busy and resist the urge to nap, but i haven't been wholly successful every day.
  • my bladder capacity is diminishing. i made it through x-men: first class at the cinema through sheer force of will, but it was an exercise in determination and endurance.
so, not a stress-free week, overall. but we're hanging in there.