as a way of dealing with the "only four tries left" anxiety, i have taken some steps to learn more about our contingency plan, which is iui/ivf with donor sperm, through a fertility clinic.
using reproductive technology to conceive is not the ideal situation for us. it's invasive, clinical, time consuming, and expensive (though nowhere near as expensive as i feared), but we don't have the dubious luxury of a penis in our relationship, or another known donor, so it's the next step.
i feel like i need to begin psychologically preparing for it, so that if our home insems don't work, i will be ready for what comes next.
my doctor gave me a referral for a fertility clinic, and i called them to talk through the process.
basically, we have to have two counselling sessions, a nurse's appointment, and a meeting with accounts before undertaking treatment. there can be a bit of a wait for those appointments, but once they happen, things pretty much go ahead. that was a relief for me because i thought there would be a long waiting list. we do get some choice when it comes to selecting our donor, but they don't have a lot of donors, so we basically choose from the small group that they have. we'll give them a call in a couple of months and schedule some of the necessary appointments. if we need them, they're there, if not, hoo-fucking-ray.
in the mean time, i have to book a couple of tests to make sure i'm all in working order. i am having a 'day 21 progesterone test' which is a way of making certain that ovulation is happening, and i am having an ultrasound to make sure that all my babymaking apparatus is structurally sound. my doctor warned me that this involves a fair bit of... internal probing... which i am kind of dreading. i may need some hand-holding through that one. ick.
i'm also attempting to get into a more regular exercise routine, and improving my eating habits. i figure the better condition this body is in, the more hospitable it will be for passengers... *shrug* - it can't hurt, right?