in these early days of planning, before being confronted with the concerns that become more pressing and immediate with pregnancy (making a birth plan, organising cloth nappies, buying the right cot, concentrating on nutrition...), we're doing some thinking and talking about bigger picture things.
what kind of parents do we want to be?
there are lots of facets to this (which i'm sure will be blogged about in future posts), but they all feed into an overarching goal, and that is that there are certain things that i want my child to know. things that i want them to be unequivocally certain of. things that will form the foundations of their world.
they are wanted.
it's funny, but i think being the child of monogamous same-sex parents means that this is something they will find hard to doubt, at least once they have a basic understanding of biology. but it's more than that - i want my child to know that they are an important part of their own family, and that what they bring to it is valued. i want them to know that whatever happens, there are at least two people in the world who are absolutely ecstatic that they exist.
they are safe.
i want my child to know that they have parents who will fight for them, defend them, and protect them against any threat. i want them to know that their personhood is sacred and their body is their own - theirs to love and glory in, theirs to enjoy, and theirs to have complete autonomy over.
they are loved.
i want my child to know that they are loved fully, unconditionally, and unerringly for everything that they are. and i swear i will tell them so every single day.
i think knowing these things is fundamental to growing up with self esteem, confidence, bravery, and hope. i think it's the best vaccine i can give my child against unhealthy relationships, depression, and other mental illnesses.
i'll do everything i can to ensure that if nothing else, my child knows that these three things are certain.