Tuesday, November 4, 2008

framing the beginning.

if you'd asked me ten years ago if i would ever be a mother i would have laughed in your face. i had ideals and i had dreams and having a kid tagging along would SO mess with that picture. but somehow, about two years ago, something ticked over inside me and i became quietly certain that this was something i had to do. i want to qualify that by saying that i don't for one second believe that this is some kind of universal female craving - that the mythical body clock kicks in and we suddenly have an overwhelming desire to be barefoot in the kitchen with little darlings tugging at our apron strings - i know that for many women the idea of having children is not one that appeals, and that has to be okay. it bugs me that womanhood and motherhood are so inextricably linked in our culture, and that women who choose to remain childless (or those who don't choose it, but are childless all the same) are somehow incomplete, pitiable or even cold.
all i'm saying is that for me, the desire is inexplicable, and it's strong.

i guess i should also say that choosing to have a baby shouldn't necessarily mean relinquishing all other ambitions. i'm currently studying for my graduate diploma in psychology. i'm hoping to complete it with honours and go on to a higher degree. i don't believe having a child should preclude me from achieving this. i'm not a fool - i realise that it will present its own difficulties and challenges in terms of the demands it will make on my energy and time, but i'm intelligent, resourceful, and well supported, so i'm going to give it a shot. maybe in time this blog will end up being as much about finding that balance as it will about conception, pregnancy and birth...

... in the mean time, the focus of this blog will be on our experience of getting pregnant and having a baby as a queer couple in australia. i want to be as honest and as thorough as i can in relating my experiences. i hope my partner, s, will contribute her thoughts and feelings from time to time, but i expect in the blog, as in our relationship, i'll end up doing most of the talking :)